How Not to Get Killed by the Police: Barricaded Subjects

Many people read the news everyday, and see people getting killed and maimed by police officers. I’m sure they’re wondering how they can avoid being mauled by roving bands of police officers. Well, I’m here to give you some effective survival techniques that you can use to keep from being injured or killed if faced with rabid police officers on the hunt for blood.

This guy could have used my help. The I could have explained to him that this is the wrong tactic to take:

Clark was shot to death shortly after 8 a.m., after locking himself in a room at the Frontier Motel…

If you find yourself being hunted like a criminal after you do something insigificant, like robbing a Burger King, we already know you shouldn’t run. Nor should you barricade yourself in a room, or building.

Police have a special relationship with barricades. They waste many hours manning them to keep traffic and people out of certain areas. They HATE barricades. They hate barricades more than puppies or rainbows. They kill anyone who makes them man barricades unnecessarily.

If you find yourself unwittingly barricaded in a motel room surrounded by police. You should come out immediately, and play dead. They will lose interest and go away. If you stay barricaded they will start to tease you. It will go something like this:

Police had used several tactics to get Clark to surrender, Pacheco said, including speaking through a bullhorn and penetrating the room with pepper balls, a flash-bang distraction grenade and tear gas.

It’s like when a cat corners a mouse, and swats at it, and toys with it before it kills the mouse. They start off by telling you something like, “Yo momma so fat, when she cuts herself chocolate milk comes out.” When this aggressive verbal taunting doesn’t work, they use their toys to make you run around for their amusement. If you don’t come out, they get tired of messing with you, and make entry.

Finally, if you find yourself unwittingly barricaded in a room surrounded by police, and the police have finished toying with you, DROP THE FREAKIN’ GUN!!!

Police finally blew the door open with a small explosive device, Pacheco said, and police ordered Clark to drop his gun.

Officer John Malovich fired at Clark after he refused to comply with repeated commands to drop the gun.

Another life that could have been saved by reading You Should Be Tasered. Don’t let this happen to you. Read You Should Be Tasered every day to learn how not to get killed by the police.

This One’s For You Insol!

The most brilliant blogger on the planet, Insolublog, wrote a lengthy, but awesome post. Go read it now…Read it? Good. Wasn’t it awesome? Of course it was. Anywho, it got me thinking. I started to type a comment, but it got kinda long, and I figgered I needed to make it a blog post.

I heard somewhere that FDR said, “Necessitous men are not free men.”

People who promote liberalism use this ideal like a weapon. It is instinctively true. People are indeed slaves because of their needs. People need to eat. People need shelter. People need heat, and water. Without these things, people die. (A stunning revelation, I know)

With that said, people are not slaves to their needs. They are slaves to the method by which their needs are provided. Therefore, the method by which their needs are provided becomes their master. It stands to reason that if a persons needs are provided by that persons marketable talents or skills such that he commands a wage then he becomes his own master. If a person must rely on the kindness of others to see that his needs are met, then he becomes a slave to the person that is providing for him. The provider then becomes that person’s master.

Well, there is a middle ground between the two aforementioned situations. Let’s say a third party steps in and begins to take from those individuals that have become their own masters so that they can give to those individuals that have become slaves to other men by their necessitous nature. Do the necessitous men then become free men? Of course not, they are slaves to that third party. The more needs that third party provides, the more dependent the necessitous become on it. It’s the natural way of things.

Just like a pimp that gives a young girl a taste of crack, and then uses that addiction to make her turn twenty dollar tricks in a car in an alley, the government has created, and perpetuated the enslavement of necessitous men. While liberal politicians have been using their policies to create their own plantation, they have used their accomplices in the news media and educational system to convince people that conservatives are racists and trying to put black people on the plantation, and uncaring for trying to starve poor people to death while protecting big [insert corporation here].

So, black people, and poor people, listen to me. It’s not me, nor George Bush, nor John McCain that’s trying to enslave you. You are already enslaved. You are on the plantation right now. You’ve been convinced that the government is the only entity that can provide for your needs. You’ve become dependent on them. The government has become your master, and the race pimps, and Marxists, like Jesse Jackson, Louis Farakhan, Barack Obama, and John Edwards are the crackers cracking the whips of racial divide, and class warfare.

Conservatism is the underground railroad that can get you off the plantation. The great thing about this dynamic is all you have to do is reject the bullshit that you’re being fed by the Democrat party, the public school system, and news media. Reject that shit and start believing in yourself and your abilities. Don’t let the claims of “sellout” or “uncle tom” derail you. Don’t let the other crabs pull you back into the bucket. Get out. Once you’ve gotten out, show other people how to get out. Once you do that, the cycle is broken. The plantation is gone. Emancipation is achieved.

And what of those men that have become their own masters? Through tedious regulation enforced by the sword, and overbearing taxation the government is trying to control the free flow of the market. They are trying to gain control of the things men need to become their own masters. Things like the freedom to unionize or not unionize. The freedom for a worker to keep what they’ve earned. The freedom of employers of to hire the best candidates for a given job. The freedom of people to choose where and with whom they invest their money. The freedom of the property owner to use his property as he sees fit.

As the government gains control of this freedom it becomes harder for men to become their own masters. It makes people who were once their own masters necessitous because they can do less and less business without government control. As the government restricts these practices, it makes once free men slaves of the government.

Then again, maybe I’m wrong.

A Rare Find

Look what I found! A tasered redneck! At a truck stop no less!

Via TheTrucker.com

Lovers’ quarrel leads to taser treatment at truck stop

[snip]

…43-year-old Christopher Reich then locked himself in his cab and threatened to harm himself with a knife. He also covered himself in lighter fluid. Deputies said they tried to talk him out of the truck, but that he continued to taunt them.

The dispute ended when the Reich leaned out the window, and a deputy hit him with a stun gun. No charges have been filed in the incident yet.

Is that anything like The Bartender Song by Rehab?

How Not to Get Killed by the Police: Herding Instincts

Many people read the news everyday, and see people getting killed and maimed by police officers. I’m sure they’re wondering how they can avoid being mauled by roving bands of police officers. Well, I’m here to give you some effective survival techniques that you can use to keep from being injured or killed if faced with rabid police officers on the hunt for blood.

In your daily life, you may be accosted by wild police officers over minor traffic violations, like auto theft. If you find yourself in this situation, DO NOT RUN!!! Police officers have an innate, and finely tuned herding instinct. That is to say, if you run, they’ll chase you down, and kill you.

Maybe if this guy had read my blog, he might still be living.

When You Spread the Wealth Around It’s Good for Everybody…

…Unless you’re planning to sell an NFL Franchise:

Via Sun Sentinel

Dolphins owner H. Wayne Huizenga said Sunday no date has been set for selling up to 45 percent more of the team to Stephen Ross, but the presidential election is among the issues weighing on his decision.

That’s because a Barack Obama administration is expected to mean higher capital-gains taxes.

Come on, Mr. Huizenga, you can afford to be patriotic and pay more taxes!

How Not to Get Killed by the Police: Disarmament

Many people read the news everyday, and see people getting killed and maimed by police officers everyday. I’m sure they’re wondering how they can avoid being mauled by roving bands of police officers. Well, I’m here to give you some effective survival techniques that you can use to keep from being injured or killed if faced with rabid police officers on the hunt for blood.

Take this story:

Man shot by officers tried to grab gun, police say

It seems wild police officers just showed up at this guys house with their weapons drawn for no reason, and shot this man, and his innocent puppy. Always remember, police officers hate puppies and rainbows, and will shoot either if provoked.

Upon reviewing this story I found it was filled with lots of gobblety-gook that doesn’t really matter. Skip to this line:

Kwok grabbed Trabelsi’s gun, and the officer announced this to the other officers. Poorman said Kwok “had a hold of the weapon.”

O’Neill fired at Kwok. Police said Kwok then went for Trabelsi’s gun a second time, and Trabelsi fired.

If confronted by raving maniac police officers at your house for no reason with their guns drawn, DO NOT GRAB THEIR GUN!!! The whole thing with you being an unarmed, innocent bystander goes out the window when you grab the gun. If by chance you grab the gun once, and the crazy policeman is able to retain his weapon, DO NOT GRAB IT A SECOND TIME!!! You may avoid getting shot the first time. The second time you will not.

Barrack Obama: Of the People, By the People, For the People, Chapter 3

Barrack continued to travel the hostile nation of Amerikkka. Though the land was populated by white devils, he pressed on. He performed his works of social justice despite the rebukes of the crackers. Barrack organized many communities, mostly by color, and income. He raised the dead, and then gave them the preternatural ability to vote.

Barrack came upon a group of people who were trying to organize communities. They said to Barrack: “Teacher, our people are disenfranchised. We are doing all we can to make up for our lack of numbers so things will be equitable, but we are but mortals, and can only do so much.”

The One said: “Do your works in my name, and your group will grow into a mighty oak within this community. I bestow upon you my powers to raise the dead and cause them to vote. I grant you immunity from media scrutiny, and $80,000 to stage demonstrations, give sound to those that are not heard, and light the darkened path of social justice.”

While performing his many miracles, he gathered disciples unto him. One such disciple was Joe the Doubter. Joe was known to make many speeches against Barrack. He doubted the Anointed One’s powers. When Barrack happened upon Joe the Doubter he said: “My son, if you will follow me, I will cleanse your soul of the guilt of your skin color. And I’ll give you a pay raise, and some menial tasks.” Doubting Joe said okay, and became a faithful follower.

Obama gathered many more disciples in his travels. He sent shivers up the legs of onlookers. He caused members of his congregation to faint from sheer joy. He provided hope to the hopeless. He gave the hope that change would come. He caused the people to believe that hoping for change would change their hopelessness.

This has been part three of the Biography of Barrack Obama, brought to you by ACORN, Citizen Services, Inc, and Chris Matthews.

Part I
Part II

Masked Burglar Thwarts Cops Despite Taser

By now, we are all aware of what a taser is and what it does. We’ve all seen the videos like this, this (my personal favorite, NSFW Language), and of course this. Tasers are obviously very effective at gaining control over most resistive subjects. Most, but not all.

Apparently officers responding to a burglary call at an elderly couple’s home encountered a masked suspect that was able to defeat the officer’s attempt to tase him. VIA AP

With officers in pursuit, the raccoon took off through the house, ripping up Venetian blinds, pulling down drapes, knocking over a lamp and toppling a flowerpot. Finally, Officer Daniel Ek tried to let it out the back door when the suspect apparently turned threatening.

“While unlocking the back door, the suspect ran at Officer Ek,” the police report says.

Ek used his taser, but the raccoon ran up the chimney with the stun gun’s prongs in its back.

Now, Officer Ek will go down in law enforcement history as “That guy that let a raccoon whip his ass.”

Barack Obama Has Doughnuts For Breakfast

Barack Obama supporters are rethinking their votes today after it was learned that he ate donuts for breakfast while on the campaign trail. Democrats are concerned because eating donuts flies in the face of the Democrat Presidential Nominee’s carefully crafted image as a scrawny, pointy-headed, elitist. Some Democrat strategists even expressed concerns that the doughnut’s link to common police officers could lead the radical, leftist, cook, voter to equate Obama to “The Man.”

Advisers to the Obama campaign said the doughnuts, chocolate covered with pink sprinkes, were just a quick, easily accessible source of calories for Sen. Obama to consume during his hectic campaign schedule. They said Mr. Obama himself never once stepped foot into a doughnut shop, and that other people actually picked up the doughnuts and brought them to him.

Democrat Party insiders pissed and moaned because their chosen one’s messianic image may be ruined. Rep. Steve Cohen (D, TN) said, “Jesus ate fish and bread, Pontias Pilate ate donuts.” Even insignificant TV personalities are expressing concern over Obama’s breakfast of champions. Joy Behar of the crappy ABC television show “The View” said, “I bet Joe the Plumber eats donuts.”

We attempted to contact Mr. Obama for comment, but he was unavailable. We did however run in to an Obama campaign staffer in a local Dunkin Donuts. When asked what he thought of Obama eating doughnuts he replied, “So what? It’s not like he spent a bunch of money on clothes!”

When Will Someone Beat The Crap Out of These People?

Apparently some stupid hippie tried to effect a “citizen’s arrest” on Karl Rove. Here’s the video:

Kind of reminds me of:

Anywho, I don’t understand why Rover didn’t just split that hippie bitch’s wig. I would have had to take the cuffs from her, and teach her the Iron Wristlock Takedown.

I also can’t get over the idiot reporter at the end of the Rove video. Did Sarah Palin “cost” McCain the election? WTF is going on in San Francisco for that to be a question? Sarah Palin is the only thing that kept McCain in the election. God-Damned dirty, stinkin’ hippies!!!!!