Archive for September, 2008

…And That’s The Way We Like To Find ‘Em

Posted in Criminal Justice, Humor, News, Stupid Criminals with tags , , , , , on September 30, 2008 by JumpOut

Apparently it’s not a good idea to try to rape children:

Via Chicago Tribune

Police said Meyers was naked except for a mask and latex gloves and had entered the home through a window near the girl’s bedroom with rope, condoms and a knife.

I have no idea what would possess a man to that, but I know exactly what would possess a man to do this:

County prosecutor’s office spokesman Matthew Symons says no charges are anticipated against 64-year-old Robert McNally, who locked his arm around Meyers’ neck and held him when he found him in his 17-year-old daughter’s bedroom early Sunday.

I’m not quite sure why the there would even be a question as to whether this man would be charged with a crime. I guess we gotta placate the “we need to understand the root cause” crowd. Anyways, now for the happy ending to this little bed-time story:

Marchele Hall of the Marion County coroner’s office says the cause of 52-year-old David T. Meyers’ death was ruled Monday to be asphyxia by strangulation with contributing cardiovascular disease.

Just remember, boys and girls, some people just need a good killin’.

Joe Biden Interview

Posted in Humor, Politics with tags , , , , , , , on September 29, 2008 by JumpOut

Well folks, I have just finished my interview with Senator Biden. He was very cordial, and never once made fun of my IQ. It was a rather lengthy discussion that covered everything from the financial crisis to American History. Read the interview below the fold.

Continue reading

The Worst Thing Obama Has Done (So Far)

Posted in Politics, Stupid Hippies on September 27, 2008 by JumpOut

No commentary or jokes. Read this. From Michele Malkin (who I don’t like much).

A Huge Surprise

Posted in Humor, Politics on September 26, 2008 by JumpOut

Ladies and Gentlemen, being the powerful, and influential member of the new media, with my huge blog viewed by millions, or five, I have scored an interview with none other than the gaffe giraffe himself, Sen. Joe Biden (D, DE). I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s as true as anything Joe Biden says.

So, loyal reader, what would you like to ask Senator Biden? Leave your questions for the next Vice President of the United States of America (if he doesn’t get cut for Hillary) in the comments section. You have until Monday at noon. I will pick the best questions, or question as the case may be, and make sure Sen. Biden answers them. Seriously. This is so not a joke.

Until the interview is up, get your dose of conservative political humor at Radioactive Liberty: Conservative Political Humor & Satire.

What’s Next…

Posted in Criminal Justice, Humor, News, Politics, Stupid Hippies on September 25, 2008 by JumpOut

…A ten day waiting period for steak knives? If you don’t buy into the theory that if we let the government outlaw assault rifles they will incrementally ban more and more stuff, check this out:

Via BBC News

An anti-knife initiative has been established that will see up to 90 music concerts arranged around the UK and Ireland.

Hay Zeus Crisco I hate hippies. I’m telling you all, hippies are the downfall of all mankind. I know what you’re thinking, it’s just a series of concerts. Yeah, that’s these hippies operate. They want to bring “awareness” to the issue, then try to get it banned.

Awareness is stupid. Remember back in the 80s it was all about drug awareness? Do you think people use more or less drugs now? Then it was all about safe-sex awareness. More or less STDs now? More or less pregnant teens?

Anyhoo, back to the topic at hand. I guess since the UK has made the ownership of firearms illegal there must be no gun crime to protest, right?

Concern over the rise in knife and gun crime saw traffic brought to a standstill in London on Saturday when more than 2,000 people marched in protest at the use of knives by young people. (emphasis mine)

Right, protesting is going to end knife crime. Here’s a solution: Allow law abiding citizens to carry concealed firearms, and you’ll have less thugs with knives. I guess common sense really isn’t common.

Ahh Crap! (An Update)

Posted in Uncategorized on September 25, 2008 by JumpOut

Dang it! Apparently the asshole that passed gas at the police got his battery charge dropped.


An assistant says Magistrate Jack Pauley signed a motion to dismiss the charge Thursday.Cruz, who was arrested Tuesday, still faces driving under the influence and other charges.

They could have at least got a plea bargain out of the deal. Still, I wouldn’t suggest farting on the police. They might taser your ass off the side of a building.

By the way, get your daily ration of conservative political humor at Radioactive Liberty: Conservative Political Humor and Satire! Now, if I could just get someone else besides FIAR that writes at Radioactive Liberty: Conservative Political Humor and Satire! to read this crap, that link might serve a purpose.

Taser Causes Death…

Posted in Criminal Justice, News, Stupid Criminals on September 25, 2008 by JumpOut

…not quite as often as falling off a building. From the NY Slimes:

Brooklyn Man Dies After Police Use a Taser Gun

Don’t you just love accurate headlines? They don’t mention the city street that smashed the guy’s head anywhere in the headline. It’s like the police zapped the guy to death. Sorry, I’m babling. Back to the story:

A naked and apparently emotionally disturbed man fell to his death from a building ledge in Brooklyn on Wednesday after an officer shot him with a Taser stun gun, the police said. The police and witnesses said he had been yelling at passers-by and swinging a long light bulb tube at officers before he fell.

The New York Post has some nice photos and a video of the incident. Of course you get a healthy dose of second guessing and Monday Morning Quarterbacking. I guess people would prefer the guy be left up there all naked and crazy and screaming, or maybe they would feel better if the police pushed him off the ledge instead of tasering him. I wonder if his light bulb lit up when they tasered him. I guess the moral of the story is don’t be naked and crazy on a New York building ledge; it could be harmful to your health. How would you have handled this guy?

Note To Self:

Posted in Politics on September 25, 2008 by JumpOut

Do not read the “Top Blogs” listed on my WordPress Dashboard! Holy crap! Man, I saw this title:


I mean, the guy is a former Green Beret, how bad could it be? Well, it was this bad:

How DARE you speak of terrorists murdering civilians in the Mid East – you lying hypocrite! The only REAL terrorists there today that are INDEED murdering HUGE numbers of civilians – mostly helpless children are the IDF and our own military. I have hunted REAL terrorists and know what REAL terrorists are. Child killers like your son, Mrs. Palin are the REAL terrorists.

Wow…Just wow. How does a guy go from being an elite soldier to being a tin-foil hat wearing Zionist Conspiracy theorist, and anti-semite (if those two things aren’t mutually inclusive)? Oh you missed the anti-semitic part? Here you go:

Jews are MASTER liars and consummate deceivers and have been since ‘day one’.. Ask your Zionist pastor to read ALOUD in CHURCH the words of condemnation of the Jews by our lord regarding LIES – IF he has the honesty = John 8 verses 42-44

I’m surprised I didn’t find a “Military-Industrial Complex” reference, or a shout out to the illuminati among all that drivel.

The moral of the story, good readers, is that people like him are out there, running through the woods, screaming: THE JOOOOSSSS!!!!eleven!!!11!!1

Don’t Fart On The Police!

Posted in Criminal Justice, Humor, Stupid Criminals on September 24, 2008 by JumpOut

I know most people would see the above as stating the obvious. Well, there was a dude in West Virginia that decided to test the above warning. Check this out:

Via Fox News

West Virginia Man Charged With Assaulting an Officer


During fingerprinting, Cruz then allegedly moved closer to one of the officers and passed gas, the station reported. In the complaint, the investigating officer wrote that police noticed a “very strong” odor.

The alleged stunt led Cruz to be charged with another offense — battery on an officer — in addition to DUI and obstruction, WSAZ reported.

This story got me to thinking: Can I do that? (Charge someone for farting on the po-po I mean) I looked up the the local statute for battery, and it says that a battery can be the intentional administration of a noxious substance. I guess it all depends on how the law defines “noxious”. I think I’ll have to put this one to the test in our court system.

I can see it now:

DA: Officer, inform the court of what happened on the night that you arrested the defendant.

JumpOut: Well, I responded to a domestic disurbance. Upon my arrival, I noticed the victim done had her ass whooped. I could tell by that big ass not on her head. She said her husband, Billy-Joe Jim-Bob Smith did it. I arrested Mr. Smith, and charged him with unlawfully whoopin his ole lady’s ass.

DA: Well, I see that you also charged him with battery on a police officer. How did that come about?

JumpOut: After I arrested Mr. Smith, I took him to the local jail for processing. While I was doing his paperwork, he walked over and farted on me. Well, I had to defend myself against this battery. I didn’t know if maybe he had been eating taco bell, so I tased him…Twice.

Heh. That would be cool.