Archive for Barack

A Note for Barack Obama’s Fridge

Posted in Politics, Stupid Hippies with tags , on March 2, 2009 by JumpOut


We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. –Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states.

Post that on your refrigerator, Mr. President. You will do well to remember it. You are not just Barack Obama. You are the President of the United States of America, and you carry the abuses and usurpations of the previous office holders along with the title. Maybe people will finally wake up. Maybe they will stop worrying about who controls the power of the federal government, and realize the federal government wields too much power.

Sorry, this wasn’t very funny was it.


My First Racist Barack Obama Comment

Posted in Humor, law enforcement, Stupid Criminals with tags , , , , , on February 2, 2009 by JumpOut

I’m really surprised it took this long. I expected it much sooner. I guess my line of work makes you lose faith in humanity. Fortunately, it always strengthens your faith in stupidity.

So there we are on a complaint in one of the poorest, shittiest parts of our jurisdiction. We just dealt with a woman screeching about being hit in the eye, and her friend being kidnapped. The woman’s mother pushing the limits of how aggravating one can be before being tasered and taken to jail. And we tracked down the alleged perpetrator and his “kidnapped” girlfriend. After interviewing all involved, and determining that the complaint was utter bullshit (I was so shocked that someone would lie to me) the alleged suspect who has since been cleared of all wrong doing tells us, “Da President black, we don’t need y’all back here no moe!”

You know, I am so relieved. I hated going back there anyway. I will miss all the roach infested, barely standing trailers, and shotgun houses, though. And the looks from the independent entrepreneurs plying their wares on the street corners. I’ll also miss the dumbfounded looks of the yard dogs that probably haven’t seen a Caucasian in their lives. I swear, it’s like they’re looking at a leprechaun. They don’t bark, growl, nothing. They just stare at you like you’re some alien life form.

One thing I have yet to figure out is whether this up and coming community organizer was speaking for the entire African American community, or just the ones that live in that area. Regardless, I’m here to help, even though apparently some of you no longer need the assistance of law enforcement professionals.

The next time your babydaddy kicks your ass, call Barack Obama. The next time your 28 inch rims get stolen, call Barack Obama. The next time your baby boy ODs on heroin, call Barack Obama. The next time a sixteen year old gangbanger is laying dead in the street, call Barack Obama. The next time an infant catches a stray bullet from the gunfire of rival drug dealers, call Barack Obama. He’ll make it all better.

More Conservative Political Humor

Posted in Linky Love with tags , , , , on January 28, 2009 by JumpOut

If you’re bored, I have two new posts up at the Conservative Humor and Satire site, Radioactive Liberty.

First, a collaborative post with conservative humorist, Les James. It’s a look at the effects of closing Guantanamo Bay.

Second, a humorous look at the Obama vs. Limbaugh media controversy.

Go read and join the discussion.

Pierre and Boudreaux Discuss National Security

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on January 25, 2009 by JumpOut

Hey, Pierre!

Comment ca va, Boudreaux?

Eh, ca va. I’m tired of being in dis jail. I’m so glad you came to bail me out.

No problem, Boudreaux, but you never told me exactly what happened. How did you end up in here?

Well, Pierre, you know I like to fight dem dogs.

Ahh, Boudreaux, don’t tell me dey caught you fightin’ dem dogs!

Oh, mais non, dey didn’t catch me fightin’ da dogs. My dogs got loose, and they mauled several small children.

Tonnere! How did you let dat happen Boudreux, you couillon.

Well, dose dogs, dey was mistreated. I had Thibodeaux taking care of’em and he used to do some stuff to dem dogs to train’em to fight. He used to spray dem wit da hose, and he would make’em listen to some bad music, and he would not let dem sleep. Mais, my conscience started getting to me, so I just let’em go.

Racism Markets Crash in Anticipation of Obama Presidency

Posted in Humor, Politics with tags , , , , , , on November 6, 2008 by JumpOut

On November 4, 2008, Barack Obama was elected President of the United States. November 6, 2008, the Racism Stock Market has crashed to record lows.

Businesses that profit from racism are reeling today with the election of Barack Obama. Drastic cut backs are closing the doors to branch offices of the Rainbow-Push Coalition, National Action Network, and the NAACP among others. Massive layoffs have left many race-pimps without jobs.

Quanel Shabazz Lamumbo, a community organizer with Blacks and Underprivileged Minorities (BUM) says that he’ll have to cut back on Christmas Spending this year with the Race Industry in the tank. “Man, we used to be able to tell whitey how his great-great-great grandparents owned slaves and he’d feel so bad he’d give us money. Now that whitey has elected a brotha for president, they ain’t buyin’ that bullshit no more.”

The Right Reverend Dr. Jesse Sharpton of the Black African-American Association (BAAA) claims that donations from black supporters are down as well. “Brothas feel like that since a black man is the president, they’ve reached the pinnacle. We can’t convince them that honkies are keeping them down. They are no longer willing to blindly support us.”

This slow-down in donations and racial division has prompted the Congressional Black Caucus to call for a bailout of the racism industry. In a speech on the floor of the US House of Representatives, Rep. Chaka Fattah (D, PA) said, “We cannot rescue Wall Street while Martin Luther King Blvd. suffers.”

Some Americans reject the bailout as a “continuation of flawed policies that have divided this country for too long.” There is a small group of Republicans in the House of Representatives that say they will fight the bailout package, but most experts believe they’ll either be guilted into supporting the bailout by being called racists, or bought off by pork-barrel projects included in whatever legislation is proposed.

This could be the worst racism economy since the market’s inception. Many fear it will only get worse before it gets better.

Barrack Obama: Of the People, By the People, For the People, Chapter 4

Posted in Barrack Obama Biography, Humor, Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , on November 5, 2008 by JumpOut

As teh Messiah spake, the crowds gathered. They gathered in great multitudes in the cities and towns to hear teh One speak of redemption. They chanted and prayed. They cheered and hugged. They performed fellatio on each other to congratulate themselves on the monumental accomplishment of ending white guilt.

At the appointed time, at the appointed place, Barrack stood before the cheering multitudes. He said, “Can we make Amerikkka a better nation?” The crowd chanted, “YES WE CAN!” Obama said, “Can we hope for change?” The crowd chanted, “YES WE CAN!” The Most Merciful One On High said, “Can we defeat the forces of evil, and unite the world?” The crowd chanted “YES WE CAN!” Teh Messiah said, “Do you want salvation from the sins of your ancestors?” The crowd chanted, “YES WE CAN!” Barrack said, “I’ll tell you how!” The crowd chanted, “YES WE CAN!”

As the crowd continued to chant, “YES WE CAN!” the evil honkey McCraker was brought out before the crowd. McCracker had been trying to seize power over Amerikka and was the only obstacle left to prevent teh Messiah’s ascendancy.

Teh Messiah said, “Can we get rid of this white devil?” The crowd chanted, “YES WE CAN!” And with that, McCracker was tossed into the writhing, frenzied, crowd. McCracker then joined in, “YES WE CAN!”

Barrack then said, “Can you make me your leader?” The crowd chanted, “YES WE CAN!” Barrack said, “Then I absolve you of the sins of your ancestors. Go forth and sin no more.” The crowd chanted, “YES WE CAN!”

As the crowd continued to chant, “YES WE CAN!” Lord Obama gave a speech in celebration and acceptance of this monumental occasion. He said, “Amerikkka better have my money come rain sleet or snow. That bitch better have my money. Not some, not half, but all my cash. Because if she don’t, I’m gonna put my foot dead in her ass.”

The crowd chanted: “YES WE CAN



YES WE CAN!!!!1!1one!”

This has been part four of the Biography of Barrack Obama brought to you by ACORN, mind numbed sycophants, and Flyguy You can read the other chapters here.

The Barackolypse?

Posted in Linky Love with tags , , , , , on November 5, 2008 by JumpOut

Go forth to Conservative Political Humor and Satire by Radioactive Liberty and view the prophecy of what is to come.