How Not to Get Killed by the Police: Barricaded Subjects

Many people read the news everyday, and see people getting killed and maimed by police officers. I’m sure they’re wondering how they can avoid being mauled by roving bands of police officers. Well, I’m here to give you some effective survival techniques that you can use to keep from being injured or killed if faced with rabid police officers on the hunt for blood.

This guy could have used my help. The I could have explained to him that this is the wrong tactic to take:

Clark was shot to death shortly after 8 a.m., after locking himself in a room at the Frontier Motel…

If you find yourself being hunted like a criminal after you do something insigificant, like robbing a Burger King, we already know you shouldn’t run. Nor should you barricade yourself in a room, or building.

Police have a special relationship with barricades. They waste many hours manning them to keep traffic and people out of certain areas. They HATE barricades. They hate barricades more than puppies or rainbows. They kill anyone who makes them man barricades unnecessarily.

If you find yourself unwittingly barricaded in a motel room surrounded by police. You should come out immediately, and play dead. They will lose interest and go away. If you stay barricaded they will start to tease you. It will go something like this:

Police had used several tactics to get Clark to surrender, Pacheco said, including speaking through a bullhorn and penetrating the room with pepper balls, a flash-bang distraction grenade and tear gas.

It’s like when a cat corners a mouse, and swats at it, and toys with it before it kills the mouse. They start off by telling you something like, “Yo momma so fat, when she cuts herself chocolate milk comes out.” When this aggressive verbal taunting doesn’t work, they use their toys to make you run around for their amusement. If you don’t come out, they get tired of messing with you, and make entry.

Finally, if you find yourself unwittingly barricaded in a room surrounded by police, and the police have finished toying with you, DROP THE FREAKIN’ GUN!!!

Police finally blew the door open with a small explosive device, Pacheco said, and police ordered Clark to drop his gun.

Officer John Malovich fired at Clark after he refused to comply with repeated commands to drop the gun.

Another life that could have been saved by reading You Should Be Tasered. Don’t let this happen to you. Read You Should Be Tasered every day to learn how not to get killed by the police.

10 Responses to “How Not to Get Killed by the Police: Barricaded Subjects”

  1. At the rate you’re going, you could have a nice little “How (Not) To” manual done by the end of the year. I only see one problem, how many of the people who should actual read said manual can actually read. Maybe an audio version would be better………

  2. Hmm, an audio version. What a great idea. As we all know the leading cause of police killing people is stupidity.

  3. lead in for the new “How (Not) To” audio manual… “This manual was recorded for all you sorts out there too dayem stupid to actually follow the laws. If you listen and take the time to memorize the rules, maybe, just maybe the next time you commit a crime against humanity, you will live long enough for us to throw your sorry a$$ in jail…….

    Wonder if it would help any 😉

  4. snigsspot Says:

    According to the husband the number of Mexicans in the state prison is on the rise, so be sure to do a version in Spanish when you do the audiobook. 😉 That, or the universal language of Loud.

  5. cómo no conseguir mató por la policía? No habla.

  6. Nixon! Hey- it’s the number one answer to most questions in one of the Trivial Pursuit editions, I figured it would work in this case too. 😛

  7. I think it is much more entertaining to have stupid criminals cornered by the Police. It is much more interesting reading.

  8. I am glad that I read this. I’d hate to be penetrated by pepper balls.

  9. Cant believe it took me so long to find your blog. F%$^in funny man! Keep up the good work.

  10. Just so long as you keep finding my blog. Thanks for stopping by.

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