So You Want to be the Police: Driving

It probably goes without saying that police driving is different from civilian driving. If you want to be the police, there are some very important things to remember. These tips will help you stay safe, sane, and employed.

For the first tip, we must go back to high-school physics. We must always be cognizant of the fact that two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. No matter how hard you try, you cannot get your patrol car to pass through another vehicle unscathed.

You may think that the emblem on the side of a police care identifies the agency to which the car belongs. You would be wrong. The emblem is actually a coded sign that tells shit-bags, “I am easy to sue!” What that means to any of you prospective police officers is don’t expect the other drivers on the road to proceed with common sense. They will pull out in front of you praying that they hit you. They will motion you to go at an intersection, only to pull out, once again, praying you hit them. They will do all manner of idiotic things in an attempt to get your car to collide with their car. Then, they have the audacity to accuse you of writing them a ticket just because you’re mad they got in front of you in traffic.

Finally, I am convinced that all those psychological tests we are subjected to when we get hired serve a purpose other than making sure we are not psychos, deviants, and/or sadists. The main purpose of those tests are to make sure we are not susceptible to the brain sucking effects of the strobe lights. I wouldn’t think that pulling as far to the right as possible, and stopping is a hard concept to grasp. It never fails, when the lights come on, and you absolutely need to get somewhere fast, other drivers lose their fucking minds. They speed up, they straddle the center line, they pull left, they jam their breaks, they pull in front of you from private drives while you are doing 120 mph. I’m not sure how the strobe lights steal brains, or what they do with the the brains once they have them, and I think someone should do a study of this phenomenon.


6 Responses to “So You Want to be the Police: Driving”

  1. tazer proof Says:

    I had wondered about that??? Last time I pulled over to the side and everybody else did all kinda weird stuff. I thought there was new legislation or something. Tell me again, it’s kinda new, if I’m going by a unit on the side I got to slow to 45?? ifn Im in the adjacent lane. What about the passing lane?

    Some cops have really cool light bars and others suck. I guess it goes by rank.

  2. In Louisiana, you’re supposed to pull to the other lane if possible, or slow down to a “safe” speed.

  3. snigsspot Says:

    Jump, I have a question for you. It may only be something that happens around here, but then I’ve seen traces of it happening on Cops & shows similar.

    Why is it when there is a wreck at night and three ambulances, 2 fire trucks and roughly a dozen LEO vehicles show up, do they ALL have to have the strobes going?

    I.cannot.see. with that many lights in my eyes. How are you guys (if it’s pretty universal) so immune to it? I mean- a few is one thing, but there were literally 19 vehicles with strobing lights at a wreck on my way home from school last week. Seemed like blinding overkill to me.

    Your thoughts?

  4. tazer proof Says:

    Jump says >In Louisiana, you’re supposed to pull to the other lane if possible, or slow down to a “safe” speed.<

    Well you wont get anything else out of me. Try to stay out of your way as much a possumable. And since 99.9% of the time I’m on a scoot I’ll be all the way in the left tire groove of the leftest most lane. Dont like you guys asking questions, then I have to tell you I got a Colt 45 ACP on board.

  5. Amazing things people will try to do for money…

    other then actually work for it.

  6. remember the good old days when public service mattered? hate everyoneee…

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