So You Want to be the Police: You’ll See Dead People

In this line of work, it is inevitable that you will see dead bodies. You’ll see old people that died in their sleep. Young people cut down in the prime of their lives. Freak accidents, and deaths that can’t be immediately explained.

Though I am a seasoned law enforcement officer, the sight of a dead body always affects me. I’m not so cynical that I have become totally numb to the loss of human life. Every single time I see a dead body, it makes me question things that I wouldn’t otherwise take the time to think about.

One of the first questions that always pops into my head when viewing a dead body is what the fuck is that smell? No, seriously, what the fuck is that smell. Is that the dead dude I’m smelling, or that bowl of tuna fish sitting on the counter? Maybe it’s that mangy Pomeranian in the kennel in the bathroom. Whatever it is, it stinks.

One of the things that I mull over at suicide scenes is, what the fuck did I just step in? Was that dog shit? It was kind of squishy, I hope it wasn’t a hunk of brain. That question usually leads to, is there a water hose around here? I don’t want to track whatever that was into my unit.

Another one of the mysteries of life that I’ll ponder at a death scene is whether or not the rookie is gonna puke. He is a little wide eyed and pale. Maybe he already puked, and was smooth enough to keep everyone from seeing. Maybe that’s what I’m smelling. Maybe that’s what I stepped in.

Sometimes I’ll share my profound questions with some of my co-workers. Sometimes the questions are just too poignant to keep to myself. Sometimes I’ll enlist my co-workers’ insight to solve one of these mysteries. Especially when the question is where are we going to eat lunch when we leave here? I’m starving, and I don’t give a shit if that rookie lost his appetite. He needs to learn to suck it up.

Probably the most important question that hits me is how much longer are those damned detectives going to keep me out here? Do they really need to keep me out here with my thumb up my ass while they poke this guy’s entrails with a stick? I need to go wash off my boots, and I’m still freakin’ starving.

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2 Responses to “So You Want to be the Police: You’ll See Dead People”

  1. Speaking of questions that come to mind regarding the first responder community:

    What did you use to become seasoned? Mrs Dash’s? Chinese 5 Spice? A nice marinade? How can you tell if you got it right?

    When I visit the Fallen Firefighter memorial, I have to ask: why does this profession attract so many people that are such klutz’s that they are always falling down at inopportune moments?

  2. Is it wrong to crave pizza at a death scene? šŸ˜€

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