Happy Easter 2009

Yeah, so I’m working on Easter too. Lovely. Just like for Christmas, if I have to go to your house behind some childish shit on Easter, I’m bringing an ass whoopin (read=taser) with me.

So, I hope you have a safe and happy Easter. At least I’ll be off the next two days.

*UPDATE* Unfortunately nobody got tased today. I do not understand why people can’t behave on Easter Freakin Sunday! I’m so aggravated right now, I can’t even begin to explain. Well, I was aggravated when I got off 2 hours ago. Now, I’m mostly just intoxicated from the beer, and hopped up on the peeps. Getting hammered on beer and eating yourself into a diabetic coma is a good way to blow off steam.

Anyhoo, just so you know I am not a complete heathern, I have a little Easter story for you below the fold:

There was once a wealthy man who, paradoxically, was also very religious. One Easter he decided he wanted to take his whole family to Jerusalem. Not just the wife and kids, but his parents and in-laws. He felt it would be a great experience that could bring the whole family closer to our lord and savior, Jesus Christ.

Once the family arrived in Jerusalem, they were in awe of the power of the holy city. There were so many things to see, and not enough time. On the very first outing, the man’s mother-in-law dropped dead. Bang, dead as a door nail, no warning, nothing.

Immediately the man contacts the American Embassy. He asks the officials what it would take to get his poor deceased mother-in-law back to the states. The official explains to the man that it is a very costly process, but that Israel would allow him to bury his mother-in-law in the Holy Land for one third the price.

The man tells the official that he will not bury his mother-in-law in the Holy Land. He didn’t care what the cost was, he was dead set against burying his mother-in-law there. The official, stunned, thought the man must be insane. He asked the man why he was so against burying his mother-in-law in Jerusalem. The man explained, “I hear y’all got people rising from the dead over here.”

Happy Easter, Jesus loves you, and I try to.

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11 Responses to “Happy Easter 2009”

  1. Be safe. And despite having to work today, Happy Easter.

  2. Happy Easter! 🙂

  3. tazer proof Says:

    crap now the Govner signed a book deal.

  4. I was reading news stories over the weekend and I was shocking at how many DUI arrests were made over the Easter holiday. Is EVERY holiday a freaking excuse to get dead drunk now?

  5. Yeah, one of the guys on my shift arrested an illegal alien for DWI. Double Whammy.

  6. LowCountryCrime Says:

    Got me a Taser this week – brand new in the box. Yeeeeehaaaa!

  7. tazer proof Says:

    I was reading news stories over the weekend and I was shocking at how many DUI arrests were made over the Easter holiday. Is EVERY holiday a freaking excuse to get dead drunk now?

    Shoot a holiday isnt needed, most any night of the week will do. There’s just more drunks and more enforcement on Holiday’s. I try to avoid being on the road at bar closing time myself. It’s more hazardous than one thinks and for every one they catch probably ten+ got thru the net that might manage to nail you.

  8. I know this is off subject, but I have heard that in addition to the threat of rabid wild cops on land, there is now the threat of feral navy seals attacking you, when you are on a pleasure cruise in the Gulf of Aden. I know it might be outside your area of expertise, but could we get some boating safety tips to help us avoid this new danger?

  9. tazer proof Says:

    Marvin I only know in relation to your SEAL query ” if you run you’ll just die tired”

  10. […] Seals, and Hostage Negotiation Reader Marvin asked: I know this is off subject, but I have heard that in addition to the threat of rabid wild cops on […]

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