Innocent Child Railroaded by St. Petersburg Police

According to The Suncoast News a poor, mild-mannered, urban youth has been railroaded by the St. Petersburg Police Department.

According to accounts, there has been a rash of convenience store robberies, many ending in shootings, in the St. Pete area. Two undercover detectives observed three young, urbanites minding their own business. It was obvious they were minding their own business due to the the mask and red bandanna two of them were wearing to cover their faces. It’s obvious they were going to a masquerade ball.

The three young men stashed their bikes in an alley across from an Exxon. One of the masquerade party goers stayed behind with the bicycles while the other two entered the Exxon. The clerk, alarmed by the masquerade masks, threw money and a porn DVD at the party goers. This startled the masked revelers, so they picked up the money and DVD and ran out of the store.

At this point, one of the undercover detectives, apparently dressed up as a vampire, grabbed one of the revelers, and possibly uttered “Boo!” One of the masked party goers opened fire on the frightening undercover detective. The detective was hit four times, and is in critical but stable condition. None of his injuries appear to be life threatening.

The young man, James Seay, accused of shooting the detective, whose name will not be released due to the undercoverishness of his work, is, according to his upstanding family members, a good boy who would never do anything like this.

The family of Mr. Seay say the police were wrong. They believe the police are lying, and that James had nothing to do with the incident. They blame the police for not stopping the boys before they entered the store. One family member was overheard to say, “Where is Chief John Anderton when you need him?” They apparently also blame Tom Cruise.

James’ uncle, Rev. Darryl Seay, says James wasn’t raised like that, and that it’s as much the cops fault as it is James’. Rev. Seay also believes James is being verbally and physically abused right now by the police while he’s in jail without bond. He’s right obviously, because he’s a reverend. He’s also an ex-convict, but he apparently found God, so he’s straight. Besides, there is no possible way James could have been raised to be a criminal. Especially since his uncle, his father, and his brother have all done time, and they know that crime doesn’t pay.

The family also said the James was close discovering a procedure for cold fusion, and designs for a combustion engine that works on sunshine and lollipops. He’ll now never achieve his goals of ending the fighting in the Middle East, and ending world hunger.

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7 Responses to “Innocent Child Railroaded by St. Petersburg Police”

  1. snigsspot Says:

    If this kid had been all of that and the bag of chips, he wouldn’t have been working on a combustion engine that works on sunshine and lollipops. Unicorn Poop is all the rage now.

    I hope the undercover officer recovers fully. What I’d hope for the miscreant who shot him is another story.

  2. Perhaps we can find a premium lawyer, willing to take exorbitant bailout federal rates, to defend the misguided youth.

  3. Great post.. and so far I am able to stomach the rest of the site as well.

  4. Now what the hell am I going to do with all these damned lollypops?

  5. I know a stripper that may be able to help you out with that.

  6. from your wife: thats just nasty!

  7. cold soldier Says:

    “He was’nt raised like that”? This from the ex-convict who probably had a hand in raising him? Ok so if Hannibal Lecter raised someone and they got accused of cannibalism what would he complain about?……they used the salad fork for the entree’? Folks nothing will change until the vast majority of Americans start accepting personal responsibility. There was a time when family members would be ashamed of such behavior not defend it. I’m sure the next statement from the family will make reference to Uncle Barry’s (FYI i refuse to refer to “that one” by either his muslim name or title until he proves he’s not a Kenyan )riding to the rescue on a unicorn.

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