Archive for January 28, 2009

Innocent Child Railroaded by St. Petersburg Police

Posted in Criminal Justice, Humor, Law Enforcement Facts, Stupid Criminals with tags , , , on January 28, 2009 by JumpOut

According to The Suncoast News a poor, mild-mannered, urban youth has been railroaded by the St. Petersburg Police Department.

According to accounts, there has been a rash of convenience store robberies, many ending in shootings, in the St. Pete area. Two undercover detectives observed three young, urbanites minding their own business. It was obvious they were minding their own business due to the the mask and red bandanna two of them were wearing to cover their faces. It’s obvious they were going to a masquerade ball.

The three young men stashed their bikes in an alley across from an Exxon. One of the masquerade party goers stayed behind with the bicycles while the other two entered the Exxon. The clerk, alarmed by the masquerade masks, threw money and a porn DVD at the party goers. This startled the masked revelers, so they picked up the money and DVD and ran out of the store.

At this point, one of the undercover detectives, apparently dressed up as a vampire, grabbed one of the revelers, and possibly uttered “Boo!” One of the masked party goers opened fire on the frightening undercover detective. The detective was hit four times, and is in critical but stable condition. None of his injuries appear to be life threatening.

The young man, James Seay, accused of shooting the detective, whose name will not be released due to the undercoverishness of his work, is, according to his upstanding family members, a good boy who would never do anything like this.

The family of Mr. Seay say the police were wrong. They believe the police are lying, and that James had nothing to do with the incident. They blame the police for not stopping the boys before they entered the store. One family member was overheard to say, “Where is Chief John Anderton when you need him?” They apparently also blame Tom Cruise.

James’ uncle, Rev. Darryl Seay, says James wasn’t raised like that, and that it’s as much the cops fault as it is James’. Rev. Seay also believes James is being verbally and physically abused right now by the police while he’s in jail without bond. He’s right obviously, because he’s a reverend. He’s also an ex-convict, but he apparently found God, so he’s straight. Besides, there is no possible way James could have been raised to be a criminal. Especially since his uncle, his father, and his brother have all done time, and they know that crime doesn’t pay.

The family also said the James was close discovering a procedure for cold fusion, and designs for a combustion engine that works on sunshine and lollipops. He’ll now never achieve his goals of ending the fighting in the Middle East, and ending world hunger.


More Conservative Political Humor

Posted in Linky Love with tags , , , , on January 28, 2009 by JumpOut

If you’re bored, I have two new posts up at the Conservative Humor and Satire site, Radioactive Liberty.

First, a collaborative post with conservative humorist, Les James. It’s a look at the effects of closing Guantanamo Bay.

Second, a humorous look at the Obama vs. Limbaugh media controversy.

Go read and join the discussion.