How Not to Get Killed by the Police: The Oldest Rule in the Book

Being the web’s number one resource on information that can save your life when confronted by crazed feral police officers, I feel I may have done a disservice to my readers. It seems I made a mistake by assuming that everyone knew the most elementary rule in not getting killed by the police. I have recently found evidence that this is not the case.

The oldest rule in the book of how not to get killed by the police, the one I mistakenly thought went without saying, is a very popular, and well known cliche’. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself. Maybe it is all of you who have failed me! Maybe you have all been poor students, and by not being mildly curious about what you could learn away from here, you have failed a fellow student. He has now lost his life because he made a simple, obvious mistake.

Well, I guess I have to teach you this one too. The number one rule in how not to get killed by the police is “Don’t Bring a Knife to Gunfight!” Jesus H. Christ what are you people doing out there? It’s like I’m raising children around here! I can’t believe this:

Spokesman Jeff Kappel says it started with a 911 call at 1:16 a.m. Wednesday from an Aurora Avenue motel.

Responding officers heard the woman screaming that the man had a knife. When they forced open the door, Kappel says, the man sprayed officers with a chemical irritant. Officers used a stun gun on the man twice but he fought it off and refused orders to drop the knife.

Kappel says when the man advanced he was shot by four or five officers and died at the scene.

As far as inciting shooting frenzies goes, the only thing more likely to illicit one than a drunk in a Nazi uniform pointing a WWII replica rifle loaded with blanks is a knife wielding wackaloon.

Come on, people, it’s your lives on the line. Do I have to do all the work around here?

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5 Responses to “How Not to Get Killed by the Police: The Oldest Rule in the Book”

  1. That’s a funny report. Think back to similar scenes from Indiana Jones and Broken Saddles. A humorous concept that lives on forever!

  2. Ram Venkatararam Says:

    Thank you for this important insight into avoiding future potential death at the hands of the police. Given my name and occupation (convenience store owner) I believe I am in what you would consider to be a “high risk” category. I shall book mark this site and study it carefully. Excuse me, I must duck now.

    Kind regards

  3. Despite our occasional differences of opinion. I hold police officers in very high regard. I count you in that austere group. Thanks for your dedication and willingness to go out and put it all on the line on a daily basis. It’s not a pretty job but I’m reassured by knowing there are folks like you who are doing it.

    See, I can be nice, if I want.

  4. Found your blog from Steve’s BJJ blog…no, I’m NOT into martial arts or really ANY kind of art actually. My random connection with Steve’s blog is via Multiple Sclerosis…yes, highly random. BUT, I work with law enforcement officers on nearly a daily basis in MY job…that of BRAIN POLICE in WA state. That “other” despised group of disenfranchised civil servants known as Mental Health Professionals…often referred to as “bloody social workers” by most law enforcement agencies in the area, which I am not (nursing background…please refrain from assuming I care at ALL about any patient or their pain…that is left for the *social workers*). It is unfortunate that we might perhaps cross paths and never know YOU are the sarcastic law enforcement blogger and I am the NON-social worker/DMHP with MS…(look for the limp…I’m easy to pick out in a crowd of social workers, too. I’m the nurse…LOL).

    BrainCheese

  5. cold soldier Says:

    I commend their actions to use every resouce at their disposal prior to using deadly force…admirable but foolish. They’ll be crucified in the media for not attempting to channel the freaking spirit of Ghandi prior to providing his torso with proper ventilation!

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