Archive for January 14, 2009

Law Enforcement Facts: Don’t Be A Victim

Posted in Criminal Justice, Humor, Law Enforcement Facts, Stupid Criminals with tags , on January 14, 2009 by JumpOut

During the police academy, and throughout a law enforcement career, cops hear that “…it’s never the victim’s fault.” Anyone that has done this job long enough knows sometimes it is the victim’s fault. Not always, and some victims bear less fault than others, but there are definite instances where the blame falls squarely on the victim. It could be that these “victims” have just never been educated in how not to be a victim. This post will serve as a quick familiarization in how not to be a victim for those that are naive, stupid, or actually trying to be victimized.

Rule number one: Always be aware of your surroundings. You’d be surprised how many crimes could be prevented if this simple rule was followed. If you find yourself in an area with groups of shady looking entrepreneurs whose office is their driveway, or the street corner, find the nearest point of egress and exit stage left. Failure to follow this rule doesn’t necessarily mean it was your fault that you got robbed, but following this rule will definitely reduce the chances that you are a victim. Sometimes these types of places can’t be avoided. Then again if you are there to buy drugs, steal drugs, or engage in some other nefarious activity you deserve the ass whooping.

Rule number two: In God we trust, all others pay cash. Don’t trust anybody you don’t know. We had a lot of this after the storms. People would go door to door in damaged neighborhoods saying they were roofers looking to fix your roof for low, low prices. If you hired one of these yayhoos, and got your shit stolen or your roof is jacked up, it’s your fault. You let your greed get the best of you, and you did something stupid. Most of these shitbags are from out of town, and will be gone before you even realize your shit was stolen. Always use reputable, licensed companies or individuals for major home repairs. Don’t hire joe-shit the crackhead to work on your house. If he actually does the work you hired him for, you will be missing some lawn tools, or jewelry, or other miscellaneous items that are easily traded for crack.

Rule number three: If you are in a bad situation (i.e. your life recently seems like an episode of Jerry Springer) unass it. For instance, if you slept with some guy, and it all ended in restraining orders and jail time, sleeping with his step-father will likely have a sad ending as well. Or, if your husband beat your ass, and you had him arrested, when he shows up to get his crap and leave, don’t sabotage his vehicle so it won’t start. Let him go!

Rule number four: If you don’t regularly carry a gun, and you decide to go somewhere and before you leave you think: “I should bring a gun with me”, don’t freaking go! For the sake of argument, let’s say some guy stole some prescription medication from you. You thought this guy was a friend, so you decide to go confront him about it. When you get ready to leave you think to yourself, “I probably ought to bring a gun for protection.” That situation is going to end badly. You’re going to get killed, or arrested.

Rule number five: Always pay your drug dealer. If you want to live that lifestyle, you should be aware that drug dealers are all about their paper. They don’t like you, or care what happens to you. They want their money, bitch. Pay them, or they will beat the shit out of you, or kill you. Guess what, that’s your fault.

I hope this list has been helpful to you. While police officers do all they can to prevent crime, they can’t be everywhere. You should always do what you can to protect yourself. Don’t be an easy target, and don’t associate with persons of questionable repute. Stay safe out there.

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