How Not to Get Killed by the Police: Be Aware of How You Look

Today in our recurring instructional series How Not to Get Killed by the Police, we’ll be looking into the way your appearance affects the mood of the animals in blue.Through exhaustive study we have come to the conclusion that your appearance, i.e. what you’re wearing, how you present yourself, etc. have a strong effect on the behaviors of feral hordes of police officers. Certain clothing items and accessories have more profound effects than others.

There is a common misconception that body piercings and certain haircuts can set off wild police officers, but this is simply not the case. Most police officers are no more than mildly amused by foolish looking jewelry and hair. A vintage Nazi uniform accessorized by what is most likely a functioning Mauser rifle, on the other hand, will most likely send police officers in the area into a shooting frenzy. To significantly increase your chances of being killed in a shooting frenzy by untamed police officers, make sure your Mauser rifle is loaded with blanks and be sure to fire it in the vicinity of any feral police officers you may find.

MSNBC makes our point:

Murphy was University of Washington honor student and musician. He was a history buff who often wore vintage uniforms and collected WWII memorabilia, including a vintage German infantry rifle.

Early on New Years Day, police were called to the University District where Murphy had been firing blanks into the air to celebrate.

“He was holding the rifle in both hands. He pointed the rifle in their direction,” said Seattle Police Chief Gil Kerlikowske Friday.

Police Murphy refused several orders to drop the weapon.

“We hear, ‘Sir put the gun down. Don’t reach for anything. Don’t move. Put the gun down.’ Really shouting loud, shouting quick,” said Mark Kedziora, Murphy’s housemate.

“He raised the rifle and pointed it at them, and then briefly lowered it. He raised it again,” said Kerlikowske.

Two officers shot Murphy several times and he died at a hospital.

Apparently he had not been keeping up with our extensive research here at You Should Be Tasered. Had he been a regular reader this tragedy may not have befallen him. So tune in regularly boys and girls, so you can learn How Not to Get Killed by the Police.


19 Responses to “How Not to Get Killed by the Police: Be Aware of How You Look”

  1. I once collected such memorabilia, I never had the urge to wear it and never thought about collecting the Mauser or brandishing it in front of the Law Enforcement Community. I guess I was a rookie.

    Thanks for the dose of verbal tasering. I needed it.

  2. What the hell is wrong with you? You think it’s funny to write about a tragedy where the pigs murder an innocent person who did nothing wrong? The gun wasn’t loaded you moron. You cops signed up to get shot at and killed. This poor student didn’t. This makes me sick! And you USA_Admiral DO need a good tasering. If you don’t own one, piss into a light socket!

    [You are an idiot. This is a public service to keep poor, innocent people who are just pointing firearms at people from getting killed. How dare you mock such noble work! ~ JO]

  3. Another piece of excellent advice.

  4. I bet Steve tases himself when nobody is watching.

  5. I’m the idiot! It’s cops like you that caused the whole problem in Oakland. When that explodes into a race riot and more innocent people get murdered for protesting the unlawful actions by the transit police then maybe you’ll wake-up and quit your hate filled ranting.

    [Now you’ve gone and tripped the anti-hippie filter, idiot. Why don’t you try holding your breath until somebody gives a shit what you think instead of protesting. It’ll do the world more good ~ JO]

  6. Wow! What a whack job. As the songs says, “Everybody knows that the world is filled with stupid people.” Nice way of putting him in his place. Although the “piss into a light socket” thing was kind of amusing.

  7. snigsspot Says:

    Jump, the next time I have a visitor with an inflamed case of Idioticitis at my blog, can I borrow that line?

  8. Well, Les, it takes all kinds.

    Snigs, feel free to use that line anytime.

  9. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry…

    But yeah, that’s definitely one way to get shot.

  10. The gun wasn’t loaded you moron.

    So, I assume the police were supposed to wait until someone was riddled with bullet holes to make the determination that the weapon pointed at them was filled with blanks? Do you need some sort of license to be that stupid?

    BTW, Jon-Erik Hexum was killed by a blank. OK, so it requires close range, but still, there was a high speed projectile, lead or not.

  11. Are you just going to sensor me again? That’s just like a far right winger. You don’t want anyone else to have a chance to speak up do you? Well, I let you in on a little secret. your heroes are going off the airwaves soon enough when Obama gets the fairness doctrine brought down on your bigoted heads.

    Whats you name, fiar? I went to your blog. OMG what a riot. Not that it was funny but that you wasted all that time! And yeh, cops signed up to shoot at people so getting shot at is fair.

    [It’s not me. It’s the anti-hippie filter that keeps censoring your comments. Crying about stuff? That’s just like a hippie. So sure of their own self worth they can’t imagine that someone wouldn’t care what they had to say. Again I’ll suggest you hold your breath until someone gives a shit. ~ JO]

  12. snigsspot Says:

    Why is it the nutjobs like Steve never post the link to their own blog? Oh yeah, because it makes them cry when sane people go there, read, then point and laugh.

    Not that I’d be interested in reading anything he wrote anyway, but still, it makes one wonder why with all their big talk they don’t have the cajones to be anything beyond anonymous.

  13. I don’t complain too much, snigs. I have been wanting my very own troll, and now I got one. I’m so happy. I think I’ll name him George.

  14. You wouldn’t believe how totally appropriate I find that name to be. Congratulations are in order I guess, Jump.

  15. Very funny.

    [Hey look! The anti-hippie filter didn’t get this one! I hope it’s not broken. ~ JO]

  16. Alcohol enhanced stupidity has once again accelerated our Darwinian evolution.

  17. Be careful, tom. George claims to be a college professor, that makes him like, really smart and stuff.

  18. cold soldier Says:

    Steve you obviously have not a clue of what you speak. The gun was not loaded? The last time i checked police were not issued X-ray vision to see inside of a weapon, you obviously have absolutely no working knowledge of how to operate anything more complicated than a bong. So you need to unwad your panties and sit in a corner and think about the ignorance you spewed. I also advised you line up for a punching, hippie, you’ feel better and think clearer when its over.

  19. Pretty funny. My feet stink and itch between my toes. 2 inch diameter High Pressure Vacuum Hose is the thing to use. Works like a phone book on steroids.

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