How Not to Get Killed by the Police: Survival Spanish

Today, in How Not to Get Killed by the Police, we’re going to discuss a very serious problem: Illegal immigration. Illegal immigrants pose a threat to many industries where the workers are typically paid in cash. One of the hardest hit professions is kidnapping.

Let’s say you’re a kidnapper just trying to do your job. You find a mark, and snatch him up. When you demand money from him, he says that he doesn’t have any, but he can make a phone call and get some. Obviously, in these tough economic times, nobody can afford to pass up a possible payday. When he makes the call, he starts speaking Spanish. How the hell do you know what he’s saying?

Here’s an example from the Atlanta Journal Constitution:

The kidnapping victim, an unidentified 31-year-old man, had just left another Waffle House. He was walking along Buford Highway near Lenox Road when two men in a burgundy Pontiac Grand Prix pulled up and forced him into the car at gunpoint, Meadows said.

They demanded money from the man, who said he had to call someone to get some, Meadows said. Instead, the victim called 911 on his cell phone and spoke Spanish to a police dispatcher.

The mark took advantage of the poor kidnapper’s ignorance of the Spanish language to attract dangerous police officers. Well, we all know how the story ends:

The officer fired one shot at the suspect, striking him in the chest, after the man got out of his vehicle and reached for his waistband, said Atlanta police Lt. Keith Meadows, commander of the homicide unit.

The man, George Pierre, 31, of Atlanta ran away, stumbled to the ground, got up and ran into street, where he was tackled by another officer and died.

Another life wasted because of the influx of illegal immigrants to this country.

Here is a quick list of simple Spanish words and phrases that could save your life, and possibly prevent your getting killed by the police:

  • Rico suave – Don’t call the police
  • Caca pasa – Hang up the phone
  • Uno cerveza, por favor – Give me all your money

And if all else fails, and you’re confronted by blood-thirsty, gun-wielding police officers, just say:

  • coja la policía – I surrender

Brush up on your Spanish. It could save your life one day. Remember, if the person doesn’t understand what you’re saying, speak louder.

This has been another installment of How Not to Get Killed by the Police brought to you by Law Enforcement Humor and Political Satire at You Should Be Tasered.

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7 Responses to “How Not to Get Killed by the Police: Survival Spanish”

  1. I thought the kidnapper was supposed to call the people for ransom, then let the mark speak into the phone so they prove they are telling the truth?

    Jesus, why didn’t they let him check his voice mail messages while they were at it?

  2. Kidnapping is was a lost art to this redeemed perp.

  3. I took Spanish at the Defense Language Institute, so I can vouch for the utter correctness of each of these phrases.

  4. Merry Christmas to you and yours, Jump!

  5. […] You can find JumpOut at his police humor blog, You Should be Tasered. The only place on the internet to learn how not to get killed by the police. […]

  6. Don’t forget You quiero Taco Bell which I think means, “I’ll do anything you say, just don’t shoot me.”

  7. Adds that one to the “How not to” manual.

    Feliz Navidad.

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