Canada Hates Tasers

In the day to day research I do in preparation for writing a new post, I often do a Google search for “Taser” to see if there are any interesting taser related stories. Every time, Google yields a ton of anti-taser stories from Canada. Feel free to look over this set of Google results.

There is only one logical explanation. Canada is full of stupid hippies. Stupid hippies are the only people that hate tasers this much. Why? Because tasers always ruin their stupid sit-ins, demonstrations, and marches.

I know you’re thinking this should not be an issue because a good tasering is the only fitting outcome to these lame hissy fits that tie up traffic, prevent people from moving freely about town, and make the local Army recruiting office smell like patchouli for a month. See, hippies think that what they are doing is good, and that they should not be tasered. Years of drug-retarded brain activity (or inactivity as the case may be) has caused an inability to think amongst the hippie community. They don’t realize that everybody hates them, and wants them to get tasered.

It appears that in the hippie mind the number one obstacle to achieving their goals of pussification is the taser. It seems they believe if they protest tasers, they may be able to stop law enforcement from being able to issue them their much needed taserings. This is another example of the hippies’ inability to create a rational thought. If they had the sense God gave a sack of worn-out Birkenstocks, they would realize their track record really sucks. Sure, they were able to bring the Viet Nam war to an end, but that led to the deaths of all but two people and a water buffalo in Cambodia. A great consolation prize to be sure, but sorely lacking when compared to the goal of peace on Earth.

We must continue hippie taserings. Every scientist in the world agrees that electric shock is the best behavior modifier there is. It’s like when a child touches a hot stove. Granted, a hippie child would have to touch a hot stove like fifty times before it figures out it shouldn’t touch a hot stove, but it will learn in time. With enough hippies being tasered while protesting, they should eventually learn to stop acting like childish asshats. Cue Satchmo.

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6 Responses to “Canada Hates Tasers”

  1. Are dreadlocks a direct result of coming in contact with said behavior modification device?

  2. You have to hand it to the hippies that volunteer to be the taser “victims” though. Talk about taking one for the team.

  3. […] What else? The best Taser money can buy. I’ll go on to someone else as you are probably anxious to try your new toy out on some […]

  4. […] blood for oil”, their stupid chants of those same idiotic slogans, their shouts of “don’t taze me bro” followed by the loud sound of electricity arcing through their bodies, and their stench. […]

  5. I’m gonna have to disagree with you on this one. A hippie child touching a hot stove 50 times does not result in them learning not to touch a hot stove. It results in a sit-in of the kitchen protesting hot stoves being used to burn unsuspecting hippie children. Everybody learns, not everybody learns the right lesson.

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