Of Hippies and Tasers
Being devoted to law enforcement humor, I often search the interwebs for humorous stories involving law enforcement. One fount of endless material is the taser. There aren’t many things funnier than watching a stupid hippie get tased. Who doesn’t enjoy that? While that may seem a rhetorical question, it isn’t. Apparently hippies don’t like when hippies get tased.
This comes as an utter shock to me. When we law enforcement officers roam the countryside looking for random hippies to tase, it never once occurred to me that there were some people that didn’t find getting tased funny. Take the “Don’t Tase Me Bro!” guy for example. You can’t tell me he didn’t know that he was providing serious comedy material. He played his part perfectly. From the incoherent public ramblings to the actively resisting police, right down to the screaming like a bitch as the taser is deployed, that was comedy gold.
Now hippies like Amnesty International say that police officers repeatedly tase people after they’ve been completely immobilized. This is utter hogwash. Everybody knows that multiple taserings are some of the funniest around. My favorite tasing video, “multiple-taser drunk” guy, is one of the funniest videos ever. This guy obviously didn’t mind getting tased. Why else would he get hit five times by the taser? Still, stupid hippies are trying to stop the police from using tasers.
Why would hippies want to take this effective, and immensely funny tool away from police officers? Well, hippies are evil, and don’t want you to laugh. Don’t believe me? Read the essay I linked in the sub-head. In that essay, a stupid hippie tries to use taser deaths as an indictment of Club G’itmo, the tv show 24, and the George W. Bush Administration. While such an essay may prove to be funny if it were satire, this essay was not satire at all; therefore, it’s not funny at all. Come to think of it, I wish I would have come up with the idea first. That would have been Frankj level comedy genius.
If you love law enforcement and comedy, you should do all in your power to stop the stupid hippies from taking away the taser. First, it’s the taser, then they’ll want to outlaw all forms of schadenfreude. The next thing you’ll know is the only comedy you’ll be allowed to see will be reruns of Dharma and Greg and Saturday Night Live. It’s a slippery slope people. Do you want your world to be devoid of taser humor?