How Not to Get Killed by the Police: Playing in Traffic

Welcome once again to the recurring informational series: How Not to Get Killed by the Police.

We all know how dangerous roving bands of rabid policeman can be. By reading this series you can greatly reduce the chances of being killed or seriously injured if you happen, or mishappen as the case may be, upon these dangerous, mindless creatures.

Apparently rabid police officers are overcome by a murderous rage if you happen to frolic in traffic. While we’re not sure how this uncontrollable anger has developed from an evolutionary standpoint, we are certain that playing in traffic is a surefire way to draw the ire of any roaming police officers in the area.

This next story from STLtoday.com is a perfect example of police becoming violent when they see someone having fun wandering in traffic:

By Leah Thorsen
ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
11/12/2008

Collinsville — Police officers on Tuesday shot and killed a roaming ram and ewe because authorities feared the animals would cause a crash, said Police Chief Scott Williams.

The animals had been spotted crossing Illinois Route 157 in recent weeks, Williams said. “We deemed them to be dangerous,” he said. “They were running in and out of traffic.”

Apparently these innocent, snuggley, little sheep were out frolicking in their natural habitat, the road, when the rabid police officers gunned them down in a hail of bullets. This senseless death prompted one hippie to say:

“There was no reason to shoot and kill them,” she said. “They could have tranquilized them.”

Because we all know that all police officers carry tranquilizer guns on their duty belt. I never leave home without mine. The idea that a cute, loveable, ball of wool could be a danger to the big, mean, policemen is laughable at best.

So, let this be a lesson. If you happen to find yourself playing in traffic, the police may just shoot ewe. [insert rimshot and canned laughter here]

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One Response to “How Not to Get Killed by the Police: Playing in Traffic”

  1. Mutton anyone? fires up the grill

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