They See Me Roll on, My Segway!

San Jose Police Officers to get White N Nerdy!

I would so freakin’ quit!

San Jose police officers will be patrolling downtown in some new wheels. But not a car or a motorcycle. They’ll be riding Segways.

Only in Cali-friggin-fornia. So what does the dip-shit police chief have to say for himself?

Police Chief Rob Davis says the two-wheeled motorized scooters will make officers more visible and approachable in the downtown entertainment zone.

Heh, visible, approachable, and laughable.

“We have found that at the airport, people seem to like coming up to officers and engage them in conversation,” Police Chief Rob Davis said. “It seems to break down a barrier.”

Unfortunately most of those conversations start like this: So uh, you gonna give me your lunch money today, or do you need another wedgie?

“To be able to scoot along without having to rely on patrol cars just seems to make a lot of sense,” Davis said.

Maybe, but enticing people to try to beat up police officers for their lunch money doesn’t. The day my department gets taken over by hippies like this is the day I turn in my badge for good. God damned dirty stinkin’ hippies.

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5 Responses to “They See Me Roll on, My Segway!”

  1. When I was in TN for the summer, I saw them in Franklin when I went out one night with my cousin’s wife. I laughed my butt off. Couldn’t they use bikes or something a little more….manly? I also saw them used by the security guys at Opry Mills…more or less to direct traffic. Not as annoying, but again, why?

    I can’t imagine major police departments seriously using these things. I find horses quicker and more intimidating. I miss the Philly PD horses.

    If they are being gay, why not use Vespas or something? Heh.

  2. I’m okay okay with security guards using them. People already laugh at security guards.

  3. Can you imagine the police chase video now from the handlebar cam?

  4. Can you up-armor a Segway?

  5. USA Admiral: I think you’d do better in a pursuit if you jumped off and ran on foot.

    Les: I’m guessing no, and I’m also relatively certain there’s no engine block or brake drum to hide behind.

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