War of the Streets

In a shocking display of technological might, Wall Street was disintegrated by an earth shattering kaboom from a Martian Illudium Pu-36 Explosive Space Modulator. There were no survivors.

In response to the massive loss, Washington politicians from both sides of the aisle came together to formulate a bipartisan bill to stop the Martian threat from spreading to Main Street. The bill authorizes Secretary of the Treasury, Henry Paulson, to print $700 billion dollars, stuff it into a burlap sack, and throw it at the Martians.

Some legislators opposed to the bill feel the bill is inadequate to prevent future disintegrations. Senator David Vitter (R, LA) said, “HELLO!! Idiots, there are freakin’ Martians blowing shit up, and all you want to do is throw money at them?!” A proponent of the bill, Representative Barney Frank (D, MA) was contacted for comment, but we couldn’t understand anything he said.

In an attempt to thwart opposition to the bill, Senators added provisions for all the legislators to take a portion of the money in the sack for themselves before it is hurled at the Martians. The bill passed unanimously.

To document any fallout from the Martian threat, Jim Cantore was dispatched to Main Street. We will keep you up to date on any future developments.

4 Responses to “War of the Streets”

  1. Damn illegal aliens screwing-up our economy.

    Chris Dodd and Barney Frank were unable to comment as they both had their heads up the other one’s ass. Muffled giggles were reportedly heard coming from Dodd’s butt.

    Makes for a funny visual. Wish I could photoshop that one.

  2. One of the Martians was quoted as saying, “This bailout bill makes me angry. Very angry indeed!”

    Would you notice a difference in the sound of Barney Frank’s voice if his head were up Chris Dodd’s ass?

  3. Hard to say, there is definitely something up there. It could be Franks but may not his… Now I’m treading on thin ice. I could get labeled as homophobic.

  4. There are no labels here, unless some stupid liberal troll shows up and starts name calling.

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