War of the Streets
In a shocking display of technological might, Wall Street was disintegrated by an earth shattering kaboom from a Martian Illudium Pu-36 Explosive Space Modulator. There were no survivors.
In response to the massive loss, Washington politicians from both sides of the aisle came together to formulate a bipartisan bill to stop the Martian threat from spreading to Main Street. The bill authorizes Secretary of the Treasury, Henry Paulson, to print $700 billion dollars, stuff it into a burlap sack, and throw it at the Martians.
Some legislators opposed to the bill feel the bill is inadequate to prevent future disintegrations. Senator David Vitter (R, LA) said, “HELLO!! Idiots, there are freakin’ Martians blowing shit up, and all you want to do is throw money at them?!” A proponent of the bill, Representative Barney Frank (D, MA) was contacted for comment, but we couldn’t understand anything he said.
In an attempt to thwart opposition to the bill, Senators added provisions for all the legislators to take a portion of the money in the sack for themselves before it is hurled at the Martians. The bill passed unanimously.
To document any fallout from the Martian threat, Jim Cantore was dispatched to Main Street. We will keep you up to date on any future developments.