Archive for September, 2008

Note To Self:

Posted in Politics on September 25, 2008 by JumpOut

Do not read the “Top Blogs” listed on my WordPress Dashboard! Holy crap! Man, I saw this title:

AN ‘OPEN LETTER’ TO GOP VP NOMINEE SARAH PALIN FROM A FORMER GREEN BERET & AMERICAN PATRIOT

I mean, the guy is a former Green Beret, how bad could it be? Well, it was this bad:

How DARE you speak of terrorists murdering civilians in the Mid East – you lying hypocrite! The only REAL terrorists there today that are INDEED murdering HUGE numbers of civilians – mostly helpless children are the IDF and our own military. I have hunted REAL terrorists and know what REAL terrorists are. Child killers like your son, Mrs. Palin are the REAL terrorists.

Wow…Just wow. How does a guy go from being an elite soldier to being a tin-foil hat wearing Zionist Conspiracy theorist, and anti-semite (if those two things aren’t mutually inclusive)? Oh you missed the anti-semitic part? Here you go:

Jews are MASTER liars and consummate deceivers and have been since ‘day one’.. Ask your Zionist pastor to read ALOUD in CHURCH the words of condemnation of the Jews by our lord regarding LIES – IF he has the honesty = John 8 verses 42-44

I’m surprised I didn’t find a “Military-Industrial Complex” reference, or a shout out to the illuminati among all that drivel.

The moral of the story, good readers, is that people like him are out there, running through the woods, screaming: THE JOOOOSSSS!!!!eleven!!!11!!1

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Don’t Fart On The Police!

Posted in Criminal Justice, Humor, Stupid Criminals on September 24, 2008 by JumpOut

I know most people would see the above as stating the obvious. Well, there was a dude in West Virginia that decided to test the above warning. Check this out:

Via Fox News

West Virginia Man Charged With Assaulting an Officer

[…]

During fingerprinting, Cruz then allegedly moved closer to one of the officers and passed gas, the station reported. In the complaint, the investigating officer wrote that police noticed a “very strong” odor.

The alleged stunt led Cruz to be charged with another offense — battery on an officer — in addition to DUI and obstruction, WSAZ reported.

This story got me to thinking: Can I do that? (Charge someone for farting on the po-po I mean) I looked up the the local statute for battery, and it says that a battery can be the intentional administration of a noxious substance. I guess it all depends on how the law defines “noxious”. I think I’ll have to put this one to the test in our court system.

I can see it now:

DA: Officer, inform the court of what happened on the night that you arrested the defendant.

JumpOut: Well, I responded to a domestic disurbance. Upon my arrival, I noticed the victim done had her ass whooped. I could tell by that big ass not on her head. She said her husband, Billy-Joe Jim-Bob Smith did it. I arrested Mr. Smith, and charged him with unlawfully whoopin his ole lady’s ass.

DA: Well, I see that you also charged him with battery on a police officer. How did that come about?

JumpOut: After I arrested Mr. Smith, I took him to the local jail for processing. While I was doing his paperwork, he walked over and farted on me. Well, I had to defend myself against this battery. I didn’t know if maybe he had been eating taco bell, so I tased him…Twice.

Heh. That would be cool.