Joe Biden Interview

Well folks, I have just finished my interview with Senator Biden. He was very cordial, and never once made fun of my IQ. It was a rather lengthy discussion that covered everything from the financial crisis to American History. Read the interview below the fold.

JumpOut: Welcome to my humble little nook of the blogosphere, Sen. Biden, how are you today?

Sen. Joe Biden (D,DE): I tell ya, I was doin’ alright until this gas started acting up. You ever get gas like that? Just fartin’ all over the place?

JO: See my previous post on farting on the police. Let’s get started, shall we?

JB: What? You not even gonna buy me a drink?

JO: Very funny, Senator. Let’s get this started with the burning topic of the last few weeks: the financial “crisis.” Senator, what do you think should be done about it?

JB: Well, the first thing we should do is take all the politicians that have received money from Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, and string them up like in the Old West.

JO: Interesting. You do realize that both you and Senator Obama are on that list, don’t you?

JB: Of course I realize that. Obviously I meant only politicians that had taken a bunch of money. You know, like the top ten, or something.

JO: That clears you, but you left Sen. Obama’s neck in the noose.

JB: Top five?

JO: Nope.

JB: Okay, the guy on the top of the list. That’s the guy that should swing!

JO: So you want to hang Sen. Chris Dodd?

JB: Well, when I said “swing”, I meant sharing spouses. Everybody knows that swinging is sharing spouses. What the hell is wrong with you? You think I’d want to hang somebody? Did you know the Chinese are hanging thousands of people every day? They’re the advocates of hanging, not me! I voted for anti-hanging legislation in 1964!

JO: Right, moving right along…I have some questions from some of my readers. First, RT from RTs Pondersings would like to know If you feel that picking Hillary Clinton would have been the better choice for vice-president, why didn’t you say, “no” to Obama’s offer and tell him to pick Hillary?

JB: It’s obvious, isn’t? Nobody would vote for a woman. America isn’t ready for a woman vice president.

JO: Fair enough, but FIAR of Radioactive Liberty: Conservative Humor and Satire asks what the hell were you thinking? Will the real Joe Biden please stand up, please stand up, please stand up? How’s the plagiarism biz these days?

JB: First of all, you should never go around asking people to stand up. You’ll embarass yourself that way. Second of all, I experimented with plagiarism in college, but I didn’t inhale! Did I mention I could play the saxophone?

JO: I guess we can excuse experimental plagiarism. FIAR of Radioactive Liberty: Conservative Humor and Satire would also like to know if it hurt to get those hairplugs and Is it wrong of him to hope that it did?

JB: FDR had hairplugs. He used to be on those commercials about Hair Club for Men. He would say, “I’m not just a client, I am the president of the United States.” That was right after he gave the speech about talking softly but carrying a big stick.

JO: Okay, well I’m sure you’re a busy man Sen. Biden. I’ll let you get back to work now. Thanks for your time, and your candid answers.

NB: You’re welcome. I do need to get back to Washington to work on the Wall Street Bailout Bill. Do you know where there’s a Dunkin Donuts around here?

I hope you enjoyed this very real and very un-made-up interview with Vice Presidential Candidate Joe Biden. Any requests for future very real and very un-made-up interview subjects, or did this completely suck?


5 Responses to “Joe Biden Interview”

  1. Did I mention I could play the saxophone?

    Yeah, he blows.

  2. Why don’t you ever put your blog’s URL when you comment?

  3. Hopefully it is now fixed. I won’t know until I click the submit thingie. Funny, I have to submit. Hmmm….me not likey that submit thing.

  4. That was right after he gave the speech about talking softly but carrying a big stick.

    Wrong President Roosevelt.

  5. Dude? Seriously?

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