We all know that hippies suck. They don’t bathe, they make public places inaccessible with their incessant public whining about the cause du jour, and they make crappy music. Hippies have sucked since the first one was born from the unholy mating of a beatnik and a communist.
Early hippies promoted a bunch of drug-addled, idiotic silliness. Retarded crap like they shouldn’t have to suffer the consequences of bad decisions, peace at all costs, and the idea that it is okay for ugly people to have sex. As much as I hate to admit it, they did have one positive trait. They questioned the accepted social norms of their time.
Through the evolutionary process, modern hippies have retained the same drug-addled, idiotic ideas, but they’ve lost their one desirable quality. You can find evidence of this in any debate that involves hippies. Places such as the global
warming cooling climate change debate, anti-war rallies, and just politics in general.
I have yet to meet a hippie that can tell me exactly what the ideal temperature of the Earth is, but there is no shortage of hippies that believe we are killing the Earth. I have yet to meet a hippie that doesn’t feel repressed, but there is no shortage of hippies that will try to shut down your business if you do something they disagree with. I have yet to meet a hippie that enjoys being tasered, but there is no shortage of hippies that need a tasering. That last one really has nothing to do with this discussion, but we can’t talk about hippies without tasers involved.
Some of the hippie idiocy has become “mainstream”. Hippies follow those ideals without question. If you disagree with their foolishness, they shout you down, craft the Fairness Doctrine, and do whatever nastiness they see fit to keep you from voicing your opinion. They throw hippie tantrums like children who do not want to eat their brussels sprouts.
Hippies have become that which the early hippies fought against. They have become a caricature of their former selves. They are living, breathing, walking, talking pieces of satire. To fix this problem, we need to go to a rain forest, cut it down, make a ton wooden spikes, and start impaling hippies. I know it won’t solve anything, but it should be pretty fun.