In Case You Weren’t Sure: Hippies Are Evil
In my last post I assumed my readers already understood that hippies are evil. Perhaps I took too much for granted. For the sake of the uninitiated, allow me to remind you why hippies are evil. Hippies are evil because they seek to destroy everything.
First, hippies tried to destroy personal hygiene. They started by growing their hair long, and refusing to shave. Then they quit bathing and dousing themselves in patchouli oil. Can you imagine how many creatures could be living in all that dirty, nasty, hair? If you ever find yourself near a hippie, be careful, there may be some sort of venomous spider, or a tazmanian devil in their armpit ready to strike.
Then they tried to destroy music. Stupid hippie bands started making all sorts of crappy music. Those manchurian candidates, The Beatles, got all popular with catchy little ditties like “I wanna Hold Your Hand” and “Twist and Shout.” Once gaining the attention of the Media, they descended into making hippie crap like “Everybody’s Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey” and “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?” Then, when the rest of the Beatles weren’t hippie enough, John Lenin took The Communist Manifesto and set it to music with the song “Imagine.” Now the Beatles are the most overrated band in history.
They also tried to destroy the gene pool. They did that stupid “free love” thing where a bunch of shit-stains on the tighty-whiteys of humanity started screwing each other like epileptic rabbits. Then, some stupid hippie apparently screwed a monkey, and now we have AIDS. Thanks alot, asshats.
It’s obvious that hippies are a destructive, unsanitary species. With a high reproductive rate, no natural predators, and laws in place that prevent commercial and sport hunting of hippies they are cancer upon upon the colon of society. When you find yourself confronted by a hippie, you should immediately beat them to death with whatever blunt object you have within reach.
Conservative Humor and Satire by Radioactive Liberty has some safety tips for hippie beating that will help you stay safe while engaging in this family friendly fun.