I Need Your Help

Posted in Uncategorized on July 7, 2009 by JumpOut

I’ve posted about this before, but I am having trouble coming up with stuff to post. I try to stay on the humorous side of things, but a big part of that is making over the top comparisons. It just seems that things have gotten so over the top, it’s hard to use hyperbole.

See, two years ago, saying that the President of the United States was going force government ownership of General Motors, and fire their CEO would have been viewed as an impossible exaggeration. Now, well, not so much.

Two years ago, saying that Congress was going to draft legislation creating government run health insurance, and tax businesses and individuals that didn’t participate would have seemed like partisan mud-slinging. Or to assert that the government is looking to regulate the carbon dioxide output of individuals would have seemed ridiculous. Now, nothing is ridiculous.

If I tell you to get ready for the camps, how can possibly see that as an exaggeration? Clearly, that’s the only place there is left to go, if you’ll pardon the pun. How can you now rule out the possibility that speech on radio, tv, and the internet will be regulated and censored?

So, how is Hopey Changiness™ working out for you? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Louisiana Stereotypes

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , on June 27, 2009 by JumpOut

You ever wonder if all those stereotypes about Louisiana are true? You know, that Louisiana is a big swamp filled with alligators, and people with funny sounding names. Well, I am here to tell you that all those stereotypes are indeed true. I have photo evidence so you never have to wonder again.

You non-Louisianians have dog parks where people that live in cities can bring their dogs to get exercise. We have something similar. We have these:

The Alligator Park

The Alligator Park

That’s right, we have parks where we can take our pet alligators out for some exercise. In the above photo you can see my dad on the front of the boat, but if you look even more closely, you can see my pet alligators, Gaston, Boudreaux, Clotile, Guistard, and Jeff out frolicking in the marsh.

Gaston

Gaston

Alligators are ambush predators, so they rely on camouflage and stealth to catch their prey. This makes them difficult to capture on film when all you have is a crappy cell phone camera. If look closely at the above photo, you can see Gaston doing his impression of a group of water hyacinth. He does it well.

Boudreaux

Boudreaux

The above photo was a fun one. Here you can see Boudreaux being “it” in every alligator’s favorite game, Marco Polo. It’s very important for your pet alligators to get regular exercise. A tired gator is a well behaved gator.

Guistard

Guistard

Guistard kept getting caught in Marco Polo, and began to misbehave. I had to put him in time out. The only problem is with those camouflage skills I mentioned earlier makes it hard to find where you left him. Guistard can be mischievous, but he’s a good boy.

Guistard’s little transgressions aside, our trip to the alligator park was fun for everyone.

Well, actually me and dad went fishing in Gibson, LA. We found a spot that opened up into the marsh. In that spot there were more big alligators then I have ever seen in one spot. Usually you see the little three and four footers, and never see more than one or two big gators. You can’t tell in the photos because my phone’s camera makes them look like the alligators in Pit Fall, but these gators ranged from about six feet to ten feet.

We ended up catching our limit of bass. My dad caught a couple of four pounders, but most of the fish we caught were around two pounds. Funny thing is, you couldn’t taste the difference once they were battered and fried.

Gone Fishin’

Posted in Uncategorized on June 26, 2009 by JumpOut

Today I’ll be fishing in the south Louisiana marshes. Hopefully the chance to slaughter and eat helpless creatures will get my creative juices flowing. Details to follow…

How Hot is it There?

Posted in Humor, News with tags , , , on June 25, 2009 by JumpOut

I guess teh global warming finally got us. We’ve been having 110 heat indexes all week. When it’s 99 degrees and 97 percent relative hunidity, the air conditioner in your car becomes almost useless. Hell, it is useless if you’re not in the shade.

I think the sun has been making me sweat out all my post ideas. Global warming sucks. Well, at least it rained yesterday for the first time in about a month.

Just some quick thoughts:

  • Politicians suck. All politicians regardless of the letter next to their name.
  • If you let an alcoholic crack addict spend the night at your house, you have no right to report your shit stolen the next day.
  • Quit saying “It’s just a border collie”, or “it’s just an australian shepherd.” Those dogs are 115% more likely to bite people than pit bulls*.

Hope you don’t die of heat exhaustion.

*I pulled this number out of my ass, but I’m sure it’s close

Finally, I’m Back!

Posted in Uncategorized on June 18, 2009 by JumpOut

Sorry it took so long folks. Between money issues, scheduling issues, and parts availability issues, this took a while. I apologize for being away so long. I thought up a hundred posts in the last couple weeks, unfortunately, I forgot them all.

If you sent an e-mail, or left a comment, I will try to get to them asap. I will be working all weekend, so this may take while. I am not sure why, but for some reason, my phone doesn’t recognize the security certificate from my blog, and as best I can tell, there is no way to fix the problem. This issue leads to thousands of “click ok if you want to continue” pages every time a page from my blog loads. That means a thousand from the front page, a thousand from the sign in page, a thousand for the dashboard page, a thousand for the new post page, a thousand for the new post page after publishing a post, and a thousand if I want to go back to the main page to ensure the post posted properly. My stylus quit, and gave me the finger after the last time I posted from my phone, so I have been S.O.L.

Anywho, I hope to be back to posting regularly soon. I hope y’all have a good weekend, and again, I apologize.

Update

Posted in Uncategorized on June 5, 2009 by JumpOut

After clicking through three thousand messages asking me if I want to access this website on my phone, I bring you an update. Apparently my fan on my computer has crapped out completely. I have a friend looking at it, and it should be fixed by the beginning of next week.

Computer Problems Again

Posted in Uncategorized on May 28, 2009 by JumpOut

I am having computer problems. Not sure what is wrong. I typed this on my phone. Phone sucks for blogging because it doesn’t trust the security certificate from wordpress. Be back when I get this figured out.

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